Hello again and welcome to all! Last post was about disillusionment and the terror of your illusory reality shattering before your eyes. So, now that you have settled into disillusionment, it’s time to dig into those puzzle pieces and start putting your new picture together. Phase Two: Introspection, has to be the most complicated of In-volution because it requires honesty with self. It is easy to put on a smile in public, tell people everything is ok, go out and have fun, etc. However, when you are sitting at home alone, that illusion crumbles again and you are back to feeling less than, sad, or dissatisfied with your life. You can either wallow in that sorrow of dissatisfaction or you can start your own personal questionnaire. By that I mean, it is time to start asking yourself the hard questions that most would rather avoid.
During my In-volution, introspection helped me to become my bestfriend. Yes, I still had friends around me to go to, but I isolated myself and needed to seek refuge within. I uncovered a lot of skeletons in my closet about childhood trauma, past mistakes, self-esteem issues, and all around pain. Tapping into those memories and experiences were a dreadful process but I learned a lot. I learned about who I am, why I am the way I am, and how to transform my pain into growth. If you don't take the time to analyze where you came from and how you were raised, I don't believe you can truly know yourself. Introspection is the time to run through many emotions all at once. Delving deep into my subconscious, there were memories and thoughts there that I didn't even realize I was repressing. The tears don't stop at disillusionment, might I add. The waterworks are just as strong when introspecting because it's hard to see your truest self and also see your made up self. You are able to see how you have been manipulated, used, abused, abandoned, etc. However, you also see how you have changed who you are to be accepted, people pleased to keep the peace, and self-sabotaged because you didn't love you. As many people say, "The truth hurts!" It takes a lot of strength to piece those broken puzzle pieces because you're really not sure what picture you're trying to form. As I moved along my journey in introspection, learning about who I am, the things I enjoyed, and how to love myself, I was able to build confidence within. As that confidence grew and I'm still a long way from my most confident and free self, I began to share myself with people again. I started to open my heart again because this time, I knew myself. I understood what I needed to face and work on. I also valued myself even more so that I wouldn't allow someone else to break me down or make me feel inadequate. Introspection gives you a new sense of self because your light is retrieved again. We may not realize it but a lot of times we are walking around with a dark cloud over our heads. That cloud is filled with all the unresolved emotions and self repression we have endured or allowed thus far. You have to let the cloud rain on your head and when you're ready to stop being rained on, you find the light within you. Then, you shine that new found light and allow your rainbow to color the world.
Below, there are some great introspective questions that I have gathered from numerous resources. These questions will serve as a way to get into your subconscious mind, so that you can know what you truly believe about yourself. Aside from surfing your brain, these questions will lead you down the rabbit hole of past experiences, familial impact, and social encounters, that have added to why you created this illusion in the first place. Introspection, like the other stages, is ongoing. For me, even after spending months alone with myself, I still need to introspect when I feel off-kilter. Introspection is a form of grounding for me. When I am unhappy with what my reality looks like, taking a moment to introspect really helps me to hold myself accountable. In other words, it is a reality check with yourself. Also, I recommend getting a journal or notebook to record the things you discover along your journey of In-volution. I have accumulated about 6 journals now (wow, right) and for me it is the best method of releasing my thoughts. The journal does not have to only be for self discovery, it could be for ideas, stories about vacations, how your day went etc. The point is, journals are an awesome way to keep track of your growth. So many times, I have gone back to one of my old journals, read a few pages, and then cried happy tears because I am no longer in the headspace that I was in when writing it.
Moving along, let’s dive into the questions. When you answer these questions, remember to be honest, compassionate and nonjudgmental. If certain words/thoughts come to mind first, don't try to deny them, accept them and write it down.
- What are 3 positive words I would use to describe myself?
- What are 3 traits that I do not like about myself?
- When I was younger, what things did I enjoy doing? Do I still do those things? Why or why not?
- Do I hold grudges? Why do I think I hold on to these grudges?
- When was a time when I felt betrayed, hurt, or rejected? How did I react in that situation?
- What emotion(s) do I try to avoid?
- How did my parent(s)/guardian(s) comfort me when I was upset or got hurt?
- Thinking back to a time when someone broke my heart: In what ways was I responsible? Did I bypass signs to leave this person? Why did I stay?
- What do I need to forgive myself for?
- What do I need to forgive my parents for?
- When I was younger, what experience do I remember most? What experience do I avoid? Why?
- How do I deal with emotional discomfort?
- Do I have any addictions? If so, When do I feed into these addictions? What feelings am I avoiding by feeding the addiction?
- In what ways do I minimize my voice to keep the peace?
- How do I care for myself? (try to name non-materialistic things)
- How can I prioritize myself more?
- Who did I vent to when I was younger? Who do I vent to now?
- What activities or actions do I take part in to receive love or approval?
- What fears do I have currently? Who or what planted those fears?
- Who or what experiences spark negative emotions in my heart when thinking of them?
- What is your favorite quote, song or saying? How does this resonate with you?
- What patterns keep occurring in my relationships? (includes friends, family, and intimate)
- What is my sexuality? Am I comfortable being sexual? Am I comfortable in my body? Why or why not?
- How do I dim myself to be accepted? How do I conform to be accepted?
- What are 5 ways I can improve my health? This includes Mental, Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Social health
Those are just a few questions that I hope will help you as you begin your stage of Introspection. Some of the questions were found on Pinterest posts so shoutout to those people and others I came up with. Taking a trip down memory lane of your past can sometimes be hard depending on what you dealt with growing up and throughout your adult years. I hope that you decide to plunge deep within as the winter months grace their presence among us. Allow yourself the safe space to be honest as you get to know yourself, the good and bad. Growth is constant and even if you hate who you are now, introspection can truly help you to begin to love who you are because it allows understanding. If we understand why we do something, then we can begin to improve. Thank you for tuning in and I love you all!
Take home message: “Even in darkness, stars are born.”
With Luv always,